


25th Day of Winter - Dealing With Scrooge Kakashi

by unjaundiced



Series: Winter Spirits [29]
Category: Naruto
Genre: 25 Days of Christmas, 25 Days of Fic, Alternate Universe - Hospital, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Existential Crisis, Friendship, Gen, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Secret Santa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-06 19:58:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5428796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unjaundiced/pseuds/unjaundiced
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kakashi gets roped into participating in the annual Secret Santa exchange because of a bunch of sneaky sticky posts and has to work through his life-long grudge against Christmas.<br/>This takes place the year after Not Another Act. Almost everyone in this is 23 and 24.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Meet the Scrooge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a good thing his bark is worse than his bite.

Kakashi flipped through his charts and raised an eyebrow as a pink sticky note popped up on page 3. He tried to ignore it, but he could see it through the papers layering over it and it was taunting him. Why didn't they just make thicker papers? He couldn't be bothered with such nonsense and neither should anyone else.  
  
He read further along in the report but for some reason, every single page referred him to page 3. It was obvious that someone was setting him up and he was not happy. He flipped back to page 3 and stared at the sticky note that seemed determined to haunt him.  
  
SECRET SANTA DRAWING IN ROOM 221C!  
PLEASE COME CHOOSE A PARTNER!  
  
He groaned internally. He _really_ hated Secret Santa and normally had to go out of his way to find someone to foist his partner off on. Usually Iruka ended up taking care of it because _he_ apparently wasn't capable of choosing a thoughtful gift for anyone without upsetting them. People were way too serious about the whole thing. Santa wasn't even real anyhow.  
  
He gingerly peeled the sticky not off the all-important blood cell and lymph fluid readings from the spinal tap chart and tossed it in the trash, fiddling with the paper for a brief moment as it stuck to his fingertips. Really must be some kind of a trap.  
  
It was fortunate then, that Kakashi bumped into Iruka a few minutes later. The younger resident apologized profusely and waved him off when Kakashi tried to ask him to go to room 221C in his place, jogging away and checking his watch.  
  
"Mah,” Kakashi said thoughtfully, wandering a bit. “That was not expedient.”  
  
He came to his patient's room and peeked in, smiling at the small girl sitting on the bed and watching TV. Above her head was a sticky note, this one a vibrant green. His smile faltered.  
  
"Got somethin' for ya!” Aiko pointed up at the note. Kakashi smiled weakly.  
  
"Why, thank you. Can you tell me who left that?” he asked, peering at the note. He still couldn't place the handwriting.  
  
"Nope! It was there when I woke up,” the girl chirped, helpfully peeling the note off the bed controls. She held it out with a big smile. The green paper fluttered at the tips of her fingers like a leaf, taunting him. He gingerly peeled it off her finger and turned it around.  
  
SECRET SANTA DRAWING IN ROOM 221C!  
PLEASE COME CHOOSE A PARTNER!  
  
Kakashi tossed it in the rubbish bin and settled down next to his charge with a smile. “Okay, so let's talk about your charts.”  
  
  
Kakashi was in the paediatrics ward kitchenette when the next note appeared. This time it was a bright purple one with the same obnoxious text. It had been cleverly hidden on the inside of the cabinet door so he hadn't even known it was there until he was reaching for a cup. He ripped it off and threw it in the trash with a little more force than may have been absolutely necessary.  
  
There was another one in the microwave; this one blue. There was a yellow one on the door of his locker. There was an orange one on his street shoes. There was a weird one with a sailboat on it stuck to the little plant he kept in his office, covering its name. Kakashi growled and yanked it off the pot, crumpling it up in a ball and tossing it in the trash.  
  
Fine. He would go to Room 221C. He just had to figure out where that was.  
  
Room 221C turned out to be the break room for the general admittance section staff. There was a small customised gashapon machine sitting on the largest table in the room. A sticky note with the same handwriting and the same obnoxious message was stuck on the front. Another one right below it announced that the names were in the gashapon balls and that each person could only have one turn.  
  
What? So now he had to _pay_ to be forced to buy some random person a stupid gift? Forget it. Kakashi spun on his heel and headed back towards the door, only to be stopped as Genma and Raidou came in.  
  
"Man, you're here too?” Genma looked surprised. “They sent me and Rai-kun over from the physical therapy side, but I can't imagine how anyone got _you_ in here. I thought you hated this kind of stuff?”  
  
"I do and I'm leaving. I just came here by accident,” Kakashi stated flatly as he tried to push past them. The two men latched onto his arms from either side and dragged him back towards the table.  
  
"Nope. You're already here so you might as well do it too,” Genma sang. Kakashi sagged.  
  
"It's harmless,” Raidou offered, not realizing that Kakashi was not one to be easily appeased. The gray-haired man pouted.  
  
"Whatever. We'll just get three and we'll just pick at random, how does that sound?” Genma raised an eyebrow. Kakashi grumbled something under his breath.  
  
"Good! An agreement. Everybody happy,” Raidou cheered, patting Kakashi on the shoulder. He only glowered in response.  
  
  
Kakashi scurried out of the madhouse of the general admittance ward and back to the relative calm of the paediatrics side, breathing an almost audible sigh of relief at the almost palpable difference. A small child hobbled past him awkwardly using crutches a little too long for his stride. Kakashi stopped to help him adjust the legs and waved him on his way. When he turned around he almost walked into a wreath.  
  
Since when had that been there and _why?_ It wasn't anywhere _near_ Christmas. It was probably the work of one of the holiday fanatic nurses who liked to celebrate such non-holidays as Christmas in July and Valentine's Day. He would have to put a memo out suggesting a rolling back of acceptable holidays to decorate for and to celebrate. There was ridiculous and then there was ridiculous. This was a hospital, dammit. Not someone's fence.  
  
Kakashi grumbled and grouched his way towards his office, mentally trying to place the creator of the horrendous sticky notes that had haunted him all day. Whoever it was was a complete _genius ._ Of course, no one could defeat him though. He would get to the root of things.  
  
With that thought in mind, Kakashi hopped onto the couch in the center of his office and lay back. He had nothing really important going on at the moment so he could relax and enjoy his nice time-free room. He sighed and wriggled around until he was _extra_ comfortable and dug around in his pocket until he freed the gashapon ball with his Secret Santa recipient's name. He tossed it up and down, curiously wondering who the poor sap was that would be stuck going without a present _this_ time.  
  
What day was it anyhow? Now that he thought about it, he couldn't really remember when these Secret Santa things were started, only when they ended. He sat up and looked around. Maybe he _should_ invest in a calendar. He sank back into his couch cushions and wiggled his feet.  
  
Something hard jabbed him in the side and he shifted. The object slid lower between the cushions and started to jab him in the back. He frowned, wondering what it was. He searched his pockets before unearthing his phone beneath the cushions with a triumphant grin. Oh he _was_ an evil genius! His mobile phone came fully equipped with a calendar! Now he could see how much time he had before the poor chump he got saddled with would face the biggest disappointment of the year.  
  
He thumbed off the locking key mechanism and froze. December 23. Ah, yes. That _was_ a bit of a pickle. Maybe he could just scrap the whole thing and forget about it—say he'd lost the name to a group of marauding priests bent on being the arbiters of proper presents and that the recipient would have to call around to find the perpetrators of such a horrific good deed to both thank them and receive his or her gift. It was such a flawless plan that, had he not been born such a lazy soul, Kakashi would have patted himself on the back.  
  
He cheerfully cracked open the plastic ball and unfolded the paper containing the name of his next victim.  
  
Oh.


	2. The Ghost of Christmas Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi goes to confront a certain red-coated monster from his past. It turns out some fairytale creatures have teeth and aren't afraid to bite back.

Kakashi found himself standing in line waiting to talk to Santa again. He didn't like it at all and it was really awkward being a single man waiting to sit on some fat guy's lap so he could whisper to him all the things he'd done good and what kind of reward he'd like to have stuffed down his chimney. In that context, it all seemed rather _wrong ._ He sincerely hope that parents everywhere were reading the proper subtext and would stop bringing their children to see what was obviously the perpetuation of a child molester-kidnapper.  
  
Really. When you invite some random stranger to break and enter into your home _and_ decide to feed the criminal, what could you expect? He should write a book about this to inform the public. He would do it when he got home.  
  
"Next!”  
  
Kakashi blinked, suddenly realizing that he had already reached the stanchion rope and was next in line. He sheepishly rubbed the back of his head and declined the offer of a photo package. He _really_ didn't need physical proof of his obviously encroaching insanity for future blackmail purposes. What he was about to do was crazy enough.  
  
"Next!”  
  
Kakashi lazily slunk towards the dais, casting his eyes on everything but the big man himself. When he reached Santa, he sort of loomed—not intentionally, it just happened. He stuffed his hands in his pocket and eyed the man, not knowing precisely what he should do. Santa, to his credit, did not back down. The man in red stared back.  
  
"Well? Is there something you wanted?” Santa asked gruffly, leaning back in his seat, proving he wasn't afraid to make the first move.  
  
"Mah, how long have you been doing this?” Kakashi drawled. Santa stiffened. “Because you look sort of familiar. I remember the beard.”  
  
"I've been doing this for hundreds of years now,” Santa said steadily. “It's been a long time.”  
  
"Bullshit,” Kakashi countered mildly. The elf behind him blanched, but Santa waved him off.  
  
"Simon, we're closed,” Santa called, keeping his eyes on Kakashi. The elf saluted and hurriedly hung the CLOSED sign before moving to a respectable distance.  
  
"Is this a front for the yakuza?” Kakashi mused. “Or maybe the mafia? That elf of yours has a foreign name.”  
  
"Kid, I don't know what you're playing at,” Santa replied, sitting up straighter. “What kind of person walks up to Santa and calls him crap? Especially during Christmas?”  
  
"I don't believe in that garbage,” Kakashi said. “Never have, never will.”  
  
"You should, you know,” Santa sighed, looking tired. “Your life would be so much richer if you could let a little magic in.”  
  
"Magic? I believe in what I can see, feel, taste, touch, hear, sense. I get none of that with you. I just can't understand why people believe in you,” Kakashi commented sounding slightly curious.  
  
"Have you never had _anything_ that you believed in? Nothing at all?” Santa sounded disbelieving.  
  
"When you start believing in things, they tend to go away.” Kakashi looked down, his bangs shifting with the movement. Santa saw the bottom edge of the scar on his cheekbone and nodded thoughtfully.  
  
"That's part of life. It happens. It's the same thing with experiences,” Santa mused. “Some thing stay with you forever and some things leave you. It's what you do with it.”  
  
Kakashi tilted his head curiously.  
  
"Say you had a bad experience as a child. It may not have been the worst thing to have ever happened to you, but it was the most traumatic at the time. That can destroy good things for the rest of your life. I'm not here to say that bad things won't happen or that you will be judged or rewarded based on your deeds in life. I am just a messenger of hope and I provide a glimpse into people's hearts. That is what I am.  
  
"I'm not the shopping sprees or fighting over what's the 'hot item' on sale. I'm not an arbiter of who spends more, who gives more, who prays more, or who's got the best behavior. I'm not a real person, I can't judge that. I'm a spirit. I'm a manifestation of the spirit in you that believes that good will happen, that simply _believes_.” Santa paused and seemed to take a breath that came from his soul.  
  
"I am just a face, you know. Spirits don't have real forms that they're constrained to. Santa? Christmas? I could be anyone. I could be your mother or your father, a brother or sister, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, neighbours, or just random strangers. I'm just the manifestation of something that's living in _you_. If you're attaching all your negative feelings about Christmas to a memory of me you had as a child, forget it. That's transference and there's nothing to transfer.”  
  
Kakashi eyed Santa, rocking back on his heels as he pondered those words. He hummed thoughtfully and tilted his head. “So why am I such a crappy Secret Santa then? Is it because I don't believe in you? Because all I do is piss people off.”  
  
"Secret Santas can be a great idea, but for adults it tends to be a terrible system so don't worry about it,” Santa grumbled, propping his chin on his fist. “Secret Santa was made to be without monetary limit or value and was supposed to be a way of gifting to the less fortunate. Now people do it so they can make sure they get gifts from those who might not otherwise give them or to anonymously purposefully give terrible gifts. As long as you're trying—even if you make people mad—you're still okay.  
  
"People that have no appreciation for gifts—even ones they don't like—have no right to receive them. Don't let that screw up the magic for you.”  
  
"Mah, well I'm kind of worried about screwing this one up because this one is kind of important this time and I don't have the greatest of track records,” Kakashi mumbled, more to himself than anything else. Santa seemed to smile as he tilted his head.  
  
"Just be yourself,” the man with the beard suggested. “If that person is still hanging around knowing you the way he does, you're in it for the long haul. Just because someone hasn't said he loves your presents to your face, doesn't mean he didn't feel that way or appreciate them. The Secret Santa thing works both ways. Don't take it so seriously.”  
  
Santa leaned back and crossed his feet at the ankles, jiggling the top foot as he laced his fingers together across his belt. “You seem like you've put a lot of thought into this and it took a lot of courage to come here today. Just apply that same attitude towards your life and go forward. Forget about the past. It's past. It's gone. The scary Santa that you met when you were young was only the distortion of reality.”  
  
Kakashi shifted his weight back and forth and studied the throne Santa sat on as he considered those words. He tilted his head and hummed thoughtfully. He smiled a little.  
  
"You have a way with words, Santa-san, I'll give you that. You've made a lot of good points and I see where you're coming from.” He paused and leaned in a little. “But don't make so many assumptions about me.”  
  
He spun on his his heel and hopped down the stairs, nodding to Simon who had decided to take an impromptu hot cocoa break. “And I still don't believe in you,” he tossed over his shoulder.  
  
"It's okay, Kakashi,” Santa said cheerfully. “Because _I_ believe in _you_.” Kakashi froze and looked back.  
  
Santa winked and waved.


	3. The Ghost of Christmas Present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi ends up on the couch with Ibiki playing therapist. Some ghosts will mess with your head.

"Kakashi-kun,” Ibiki intoned. “I hope you know that I would normally charge for these kinds of things.”  
  
"Mah, I told you already. I'm not here for one of your head shrinking sessions,” Kakashi corrected him, cheerfully arranging himself on the couch. “I just want to take a nap here. Yours is the best couch.”  
  
Ibiki sighed and settled himself in the chair opposite Kakashi, resting his elbows on his knees and steepling his fingers thoughtfully. He eyed his friend and took a deep breath, exhaling slowly; centering himself before he began.  
  
"Cut the crap.”  
  
"Mm?” Kakashi cracked open an eye. “What are you talking about?”  
  
"You're so full of it, Kakashi-kun. I don't even think there are enough words in the dictionary to describe you.” Ibiki frowned when Kakashi smiled and closed his eyes again.  
  
"If this is the way you treat real patients then I've got to say, you need to work on your bedside—or couch-side—manner. It's horrendous. It really doesn't make me want to talk to you.” Kakashi huffed.  
  
"Tough, because I'm going to talk to you,” the older man promised. Kakashi snorted.  
  
"Talk away. You have nothing I want to hear.” Kakashi rolled over to face the back of the couch.  
  
"Fine, I will. First off: You're full of crap, which we have established. Secondly: You're an idiot.” Kakashi had to fight to keep himself from responding to that.  
  
"Thirdly: You're still an idiot but you mean well. While the third clause does not amend the first two, it does alleviate the damage done—some,” Ibiki allowed. Kakashi snorted, muttering a sarcastic comment about Ibiki's brand of generosity. The older man ignored him.  
  
"Fourthly: For a guy that's supposedly pretty smart, you're pretty dumb—”  
  
"You're repeating yourself,” Kakashi interrupted.  
  
"And I thought you weren't listening,” Ibiki countered. Kakashi didn't respond. “Like I said, I'm just talking. You can leave if you want.”  
  
Silence followed so Ibiki continued.  
  
" _Fourthly:_ You're pretty smart, but you're also pretty dumb because your heart and your head are in two different places; one being up your ass and the other being far out in space. That being said, you are also a man of subtleties and I think those things become apparent as one gets to know you. You only want to seem shallow. It's damaging and I would recommend that you stop.”  
  
"Ibiki-kun, stop flattering me,” Kakashi mumbled into the couch. “My ego can't take it.”  
  
"You're just running scared so you bullshit everyone around you and that's why you do ridiculous things like read your crappy books in front of everyone and pretend to ignore them when you're actually hanging on every word. It pisses me off.” Ibiki laced his fingers together and rested his chin on top.  
  
"Like all your excuses over the stupid Secret Santa thing. That's all crap. You're just too lazy to excel like you're supposed to, too damned cocky to want to fall in line; too cool to have to. If you keep it up, you're going to end up alone. You'll be a star instead of a constellation; a blip rather than a whole galaxy. Do you want that?” Ibiki ended on a frustrated growl.  
  
"My, Ibiki-kun has gotten poetic in his old age,” Kakashi almost spat. “I came here to lie on your damn couch, not to be preached at. Leave off.”  
  
"Tell me this, Kakashi-kun. Tell me the truth and I'll stop. Don't and I'll continue,” Ibiki menaced. If anyone could loom from a sitting position, it would be him.  
  
Kakashi grunted noncommittally.  
  
“How many pieces have you given away? How many parts of you? And don't give me your smart mouth answers either. I really want to know.” Ibiki pressed. “What have you got left?”  
  
The man on the couch didn't respond, but Ibiki knew he was thinking.  
  
“Do you have anything left? Anything for yourself at all?” Ibiki sounded frustrated.  
  
“No.”  
  
“What was that?” Ibiki leaned in.  
  
“No, I do not have anything left. I gave it all away. I don't want it anymore. I won't want to be responsible for it. I'm too much work. I do not deserve to live,” Kakashi mumbled.  
  
Ibiki snorted darkly. “You always were such a drama queen.”  
  
“And you always were an emo-kid without the guy-liner,” his impromptu patient shot back. “Careful, 'biki-kun. Your idiosyncrasies are showing and Anko-chan will want to play with them!”  
  
“Anko-chan is a bit of a problem that will sort itself out eventually,” Ibiki mumbled, twitching with annoyance.  
  
“You keep telling yourself that.” Kakashi snorted.  
  
“This, coming from the guy on the couch?” Ibiki leaned back.  
  
“Hey, a couch is just a really fat chair. Don't diss it. Maybe you're the one who's messed up—the guy sitting on the anorexic couch.” Kakashi sang, holding up a hand with the fingers squished together to show how narrow Ibiki's chair-couch really was.  
  
“But really. You're sitting here on December 24 of all things, taking a nap on my couch when you're supposed to be getting something for your Secret Santa, why?” Ibiki tossed a paper cup at the gray bush buried in the corner of his couch.  
  
“Mah, it's not my fault I didn't get the Secret Santa partner until yesterday. I couldn't do anything about it.” Kakashi rolled over to face the ceiling.  
  
“Couldn't do anything about it? You went to see a mall Santa about it. And you call me messed up.” Ibiki shook his head. “Just get Iruka-kun to deal with the Secret Santa thing like he normally does, otherwise you'll end up pissing off someone without a sense of humor or extreme amounts of patience.”  
  
“Can't.” Came a tired sigh.  
  
“What do you mean 'can't'? Is it because Iruka-kun's working on his lab project right now or because you don't want to spend the cash?”  
  
“ _Can't_.” This time it was a whine.  
  
“Oh. That kind of can't.” Ibiki straightened.  
  
Kakashi nodded his head miserably.  
  
“Well then, you're rightly fucked.” Ibiki shrugged.  
  
“Gee thanks.” Kakashi deadpanned, a sour look on his face.  
  
“No problem. By the way, you owe me 20,000 yen for taking up my couch for the past hour and a half.” Ibiki grinned and held out his hand.  
  
“Bastard.” Kakashi gave him a one-fingered salute.

 

* * *

  
**OMAKE**

  
“Did I tell you about the mall Santa?” Kakashi asked, gingerly sipping his tea.  
  
“Yeah, you did.” Ibiki snapped the head off the gingerbread man with grim delight.  
  
“Did I tell you he knew my name?” Kakashi made a face when he burnt his lip.  
  
“He did?” The leg snapped next.  
  
“Yeah.” The mug of tea was set down.  
  
“Well, fuck me.” The torso of the gingerbread was split.  
  
“No thanks.” Kakashi dropped his used tea bag in Ibiki's hot cocoa.


	4. The Ghost of Christmas Present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi has to decide how to deal with this Secret Santa business on his own. He really has no ideas. Some ghosts are good with ideas.

Kakashi sat on the slant of the roof and blew vapour rings in the air, amusing himself by trying to see if he could alter their shapes. It was a brisk night, but not too bad. He wouldn't admit it to himself, but he was hiding from Iruka. He knew that Genma and Raidou must have spilled the beans about giving him a Secret Santa capsule by now and, with the way those two gossip mongers worked, word should have spread to even the schools. He didn't know how to tell his friend that his help wouldn't be needed or accepted this time.  
  
Or he could just lie and make up a Secret Santa. That would work. That would still mean Iruka would receive his gift late though. Maybe he could distract him? Maybe he could find some flying reindeer?  
  
A scrabbling sound made his thoughts screech to a halt. He looked to where the sound was and watched a crouching figure adroitly navigate the steep incline. He lay on his back and blew a long stream of fog into the sky. If it wasn't for the smell and the tobacco and the addiction, smoking really did look like it was the way to go. There was a pattering next to him and Iruka's face popped up overhead.  
  
“Hey!” Iruka chirped, smiling but looking exhausted.  
  
“Hey, yourself,” Kakashi waved. “Long labs?”  
  
“Like you wouldn't believe,” the brunet groaned, collapsing on the tiles. “Ahh, this feels good.”  
  
“Try me. I can believe a lot of things.” Kakashi teased. “Trust me. I'm a doctor.”  
  
“You're not a doctor yet,” Iruka snorted.  
  
“Not one, am one, going to be one; it's all the same difference. Would you trust me more if I carried around a piece of paper with my name and title on it?” Kakashi mimicked handing him a diploma.  
  
“Of course! There is nothing more trustworthy than a man who carries around his own credentials!” Iruka feigned accepting the diploma. “My good sir, I shall henceforth consider you for any medical service I may require—Immediately.”  
  
“Excellent,” Kakashi rubbed his hands together eagerly.  
  
“You're such a dork,” Iruka giggled. “By the way, I heard you picked a Secret Santa the other day. I thought you weren't going to do that anymore?”  
  
“Meh.” Kakashi shrugged. “I got dragged into it.”  
  
“How did you find out about it? You never go on that side of the hospital,” Iruka pointed out absently.  
  
“Hm... Would you believe me if I told you a little memo told me?” Kakashi sounded disgusted about it.  
  
“Memo? There was no memo.” Iruka looked his way.  
  
“Mah, there were some pretty crazy sticky notes following me around. It took a while but I managed to defeat them,” Kakashi assured him. “Don't worry. They won't be coming back anytime soon.”  
  
“You're such a weirdo.”  
  
The stars stretched out above them, twinkling bright at the highest heavens. Iruka reached out as if he could touch them, covering them with his hands.  
  
“You're blue,” Kakashi muttered, touching his arm.  
  
“You're worse,” Iruka laughed, holding Kakashi's much paler hand up to the sky. The older of the two snorted.  
  
“So what are you getting anyhow?”  
  
“Mm?”  
  
“For your Secret Santa. What are you getting?” Iruka stretched out, yawning.  
  
“Maybe I'll visit a beach and pick up some sand to make a diorama,” Kakashi mumbled. “And find a nice postcard and put it in the back and call it a vacation to Hawaii.  
  
“You're terrible,” Iruka snorted. “You can't do that.”  
  
“I can, just watch me,” the taller man threatened. “Bring a coconut bra and a grass skirt and you can join the party.”  
  
“I can't wear a coconut bra, you boob. And I'm pretty sure nobody wears that there.”  
  
“Says you. They wear it everywhere over there. Have you ever been to Hawaii? No you haven't. So there.” Kakashi stuck out his tongue, but Iruka couldn't see it.  
  
“I'm not sure everyone would appreciate the joke,” Iruka shot back ruefully. “Although it would be pretty funny.”  
  
“I prefer funny over useful any day. Life's too boring otherwise,” Kakashi mused, tapping his foot against the roof.  
  
“Could you imagine Christmas in Hawaii though? All blue skies and warm weather?” Iruka sounded wistful.  
  
“Without the snakes. Sounds like heaven!” Kakashi chuckled. “Maybe we can learn some Hawaiian music so we can pretend we're in Hawaii here.”  
  
“That's so corny. You can't pretend to fulfill someone's lifelong wish. That's just not sincere,” Iruka chortled, playfully poking Kakashi in the shoulder.  
  
“Is it your lifelong wish, Iruka? Do you want to go to Hawaii?” Kakashi sounded somewhat serious.  
  
“Yeah, kind of. It would be nice but there's no way I can find the time.” Iruka sighed wistfully.  
  
“Learn to be like me and conserve your time. Then you will end up with plenty of it,” Kakashi promised. "Trust me. I'm a doctor.”  
  
“Che. If I followed your advice all the time, I'd be a perpetually late liar who reads a lot of porn in front of small children. No thank you.” Iruka laughed.  
  
“For that slur, I'm summoning Krampus on you!” Kakashi poked his companion in the side. Iruka squirmed and wiggled out of the way, laughing hard.  
  
“Oh, Kakashi. For someone who believes in Santa as little as he does, you sure do keep the faith with his creepy companion.” He teased, ruffling Kakashi's hair. Kakashi batted his hand away.  
  
“The devil definitely exists. It's the good guys that are suspect.”


	5. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a light at the end of the tunnel. Too bad it's the headlamp of a crazy train.

Iruka and Kakashi didn't work the weekend shifts so neither of them made it in to the hospital for the 25th. Iruka never did see Kakashi pulling one of his strange plans to amass his typically cheap Secret Santa gift so he was really wondering who Kakashi's partner was. He was almost sad that he was missing his friend's crazy shenanigans. It was always amusing to catch Kakashi trying to sneak in random things he'd stolen to re-gift, like unusual street signs and discarded magazines put out for recycling.  
  
It was too bad that people so often misunderstood Kakashi's message. It was usually completely ambiguous, but interesting and quite clever. They just needed to be patient enough to get to know him. Though they outwardly complained, the Konoha Gakuen alumnus secretly looked forward to Kakashi's creations and sometimes set up betting pools to see who could most accurately guess what was coming next.  
  
Iruka was pretty sure he still had one registered with Tsunade-sensei for Kakashi transforming an actual property into a foreign country and calling it a deluxe vacation package. Of course he'd know ahead of time if he was going to win that one because he'd probably end up being recruited as a Sherpa or something. He already had the contact information for a number of yak farms saved up. He was just waiting for the call.  
  
Iruka shrugged and entered the hospital's left wing entrance bay, waving at the receptionists as he headed towards the paediatrics nursery ward. He had a baby to meet today.  
  
“Oh, Umino-san! I thought you were on vacation!” One of the nurses commented, looking surprised.  
  
Or not.  
  
“Vacation? I don't remember taking any. Who's filled in my shift then?” Iruka looked around curiously. The nurse shuffled her paperwork and shrugged.  
  
“I'm not really sure. It looks like there's a rotating per diem staff that will be holding your position for the next few weeks. It's all right. I know you haven't ever taken leave since you started here so I'm glad you're finally thinking of yourself,” she beamed as she walked away. “Please enjoy your trip!”  
  
Iruka gaped. “Wh-what? What trip? What's going on?”  
  
“Oi, 'ruka-kun! You're here? Why aren't you home?” Genma called from down the hallway, a basket of needle packs propped on his hip. “I thought you were going on a trip.”  
  
“I don't understand! What trip? I haven't put in for vacation,” Iruka protested, jogging towards his friend. “I don't have the time!”  
  
“Man, relax. You're such a workaholic. If you didn't put in for vacation, then someone obviously thought of you and put it in for you. As for the trip, who knows.” Genma shrugged. “But you haven't been taking your vacation and it looks like someone resurrected your expired vacation points without touching your new ones. Lucky duck.”  
  
“I have to be here. I can't go on vacation and there's no way I can go on a trip. I have way too many projects going on right now and I can't even—” Genma blinked at him.  
  
“Wow, you know what? You really do need that vacation. I'm glad Sarutobi-shachou approved it,” he commented bemusedly.  
  
“Sarutobi-shachou approved it? _What is going on!_ ” Iruka wailed, running back down the hallway towards the commons feeder corridor where he could access the elevators connecting to the corporate offices.  
  
“Really needs that vacation,” Genma muttered, shrugging and continuing on his way. Iruka had always been a bit high strung. The screaming and running around fruitlessly would be good for him.  
  
Iruka pressed the up button on the elevator so fast and so hard he thought he broke it when the elevator didn't come right then. And he bolted through the doors before they had even finished opening and frantically pressed the highest button on the panel. Then he had a moment of panic and wondered if that was the wrong button and decided to press the three below it, just to be safe.  
  
Floor 12 opened up into the vast open indoor deck area he vaguely remembered as the physical therapy floor. Gai poked his head out of one of the rooms and waved. Iruka began to press the CLOSE DOOR button quickly, shouting, “Sorry Gai-kun! Can't wait! I'm in a rush!”  
  
“Wait! Aren't you supposed to be going on your trip?” Gai called back, watching the elevator ascend. Iruka shrugged and waved through the walls of the glass box.  
  
Floor 13 was file storage so Iruka jammed the button as soon as the doors started to open, annoyed at himself for pressing so many buttons. Floor 14 opened to a surprised Jiraiya and Tsunade and they both blurted out in confusion: “Aren't you supposed to be on vacation?”  
  
“Thought you were going on a trip,” Jiraiya added as an afterthought.  
  
“What is this trip!?” Iruka cried, throwing his hands up. “Why am I the only one not in the loop!”  
  
“Who knows,” Tsunade grumbled as they bustled in next to him. “I'm never in the loop.”  
  
“Yeah me nei—No. Wait. We _are_ ,” Jiraiya whispered, nudging Tsunade. She blinked a few times then grinned.  
  
“Oh _yeah!_ Being in the loop feels good!” she crowed.  
  
“What? What's going on? Hey, wait!” Iruka trotted after the pair as they darted out the elevator on the top floor. Tsunade started to run.  
  
“Sorry! We can't help you! It's a loop thing!” she called back. Jiraiya jogged after her. “What she said!”  
  
The door to the director's office swung open and Tsunade almost ran right into it, catching herself at the last second and darting under Asuma's arm. The man looked startled as the two department heads scurried past him down the hall.  
  
“Oi, Iruka-kun! Why are you here? Aren't you on leave right now?” he asked a flustered Iruka. The younger man gasped for breath.  
  
“Why... is everyone... asking... me that... can't breathe!” Iruka coughed. A hand patted him on the back, too light to be Asuma's notoriously ham-fisted grip.  
  
“Iruka-kun, hello. Have you checked your office yet?” Iruka looked up in horror at the elder Sarutobi. He flushed even darker.  
  
“I didn't even think of that,” he mumbled sheepishly. The director smiled.  
  
“I think that will answer most of your questions,” Director Sarutobi said. “Please enjoy your trip.”  
  
“Again with the trip,” Iruka groaned.  
  
“Again with the trip,” Asuma agreed, tugging on his arm. “Come. I'll escort you just in case you get lost and try to do research or something.”  
  
“But I keep telling everyone that I can't take off,” Iruka complained piteously. “There are so many things that I have to do. I just can't leave.”  
  
“I'm sure Konoha will survive without you for a few weeks while you unwind. It should at least be standing.” Asuma chuckled at Iruka's horrified expression.  
  
“A few weeks?! I can't leave for that long!” Asuma ignored him and dragged him into the elevator.  
  
  
“See that?” Asuma pointed at the large shoebox diorama sitting on Iruka's desk. The other medical students in the office were crowding around and giggling. “That should explain the vacation thing.”  
  
Iruka gaped. Forming the background of the diorama was an oversized “Aloha from HAWAII” postcard. The foreground had a large curling wave cut from a magazine and a beach made from unbleached flour that spilled across the desk. Two little figures were in the box itself, one with gray hair standing on a surfboard and wearing a silly little holiday hat, the other one on the beach with sand people, wearing a little coconut bra made of snail shells and a skirt made out of a sheet of baran over a paper t-shirt and shorts. A tiny airplane model hung from the roof of the box and two miniature tickets were glued to the outside. Next to the box was a stack of sheets confirming a leave of absence, the top page on which a bright orange sticky note was affixed with the words “COME HOME RIGHT NOW!” shouting at him.  
  
Everything seemed to blur and Iruka realized he was crying like a silly girl. It was really embarrassing and he felt like a hot mess, face flushed and damp. Someone handed him a handkerchief and he apologized pathetically as he wiped his eyes.  
  
“So either you're really happy or the idiot screwed up again,” Asuma muttered uncomfortably.  
  
“I just... I just thought he didn't need my help this year and he figured something out... Or someone would be really mad again,” Iruka whimpered, trying to control himself. “And it turns out, he did need my help—that sneaky jerk!—But I didn't mean we would go now! And I'm pretty sure that goes against the spending limit! And why would he do this!”  
  
“ _Really_ need a vacation,” Genma commented from the doorway.  
  
“Knowing him, Kakashi-kun probably conned somebody out of their plane tickets so don't feel too bad,” Asuma added. Kurenai slapped him on the shoulder for that. “ _Woman!_ How many times have I told you not to hit me!”  
  
She ignored him, turning instead to suggest, “Iruka-kun, why don't you take your box and go home like the note says? We'll be fine.”  
  
“B-but I don't want to ruin it and I'm sorry about your handkerchief,” he blubbered weakly. “Seriously! What is going on with me!”  
  
“Stress?” Anko suggested, popping up. She pointed at the diorama. “Yeah, actually that thing is pretty sturdy. Kakashi-kun glued everything to the desk so the whole top has to come off if you want to move it.”  
  
“He would do that, wouldn't he,” Iruka mumbled with a resigned sigh. It seemed like he would be getting his vacation after all.


	6. Affirmations

 A monster was loose and the Hatake residence shook with its rage.

"Kakashi! Come here, you moron!”

Kakashi looked up curiously from his special edition _Icha Icha Chess(t)_ set. He had been playing against himself for a while now while waiting for Iruka to come back home and was unfortunately starting to lose rather badly. He had already resorted to cheating several times to get himself out of tight spots and was seriously kicking his own ass. He looked sadly at E-cup Emiko sadly and pat her on her head. She would stay imperiled for a while longer it seemed.

"I _said_ , Come. Here!”

A part of Kakashi cringed and he fought the urge to dive off the second storey landing and take off running. He could almost feel Iruka winding up though and decided stupid bravery—the sadder but less pathetic part of survival—would have to show its face. Iruka sounded _really_ annoyed this time.

"I'm not going to say it again! Come! Here!” Iruka shouted at the window, a desk with a Hawaiian vacation shoebox diorama glued to its surface sitting next to him.

"Mah, I believe that's called 'shouting', not 'saying'. Please get your verbage right,” Kakashi commented, coming to stare at his own bedroom window from the sidewalk with Iruka. “It usually only works if you say it right.”

Iruka punched him in the shoulder.

"Was that really necessary,” Kakashi pouted, rubbing his arm.

"Have you any idea what I've been through today!?” Iruka punched him again.

"No, but the abuse has to stop. I'm going to call my mommy,” Kakashi whined.

"Abuse? What you did to my _desk_ was abuse!” Iruka pulled back his fist again.

"You don't like it?” Kakashi whispered pathetically. He frowned. “Sorry I messed it all up.”

Iruka dropped his fist with an aggravated sigh. “Kakashi, you can't _glue_ things to my desk like that! Sarutobi-shachou had to give it to me because we couldn't get anything off it!”

"A gift? How nice of him,” Kakashi beamed. Iruka fought the urge to strike him again.

"So um... Are we actually going to Hawaii or is this going to be a backyard vacation where we make pretend because I actually have money riding on the backyard thing,” Iruka muttered, flushing at the awkwardness.

"Hawaii for real of course! Nothing but the best for you, my sweet!” Kakashi purred, snickering as Iruka flushed darker and slapped at him.

"You are a huge idiot.” Iruka grumbled. "I'd rather have won that bet."

 

_Two Days Later, Nineteen Hours Back_

"I am a huge idiot,” Kakashi mumbled to himself, banging his head lightly against the elegant bathroom wall. Because he had booked all the accommodations for the trip so quickly and cheaply, he had neglected to check what kind of room he had purchased and now... _now_... he was hiding in the luxurious bathroom of a single queen _honeymoon_ suite that, for some reason, was decorated for newlyweds complete with a stupid Christmas tree and wreaths and boughs of holly and mistletoe bunches that seemed to pop up in random places. This was _Hawaii:_ home of tropical beaches and sun and surf, not happy winter holidays and snow!

Things were going to be _so_ awkward.

Then Iruka called through the door: “Um, Kakashi, are you okay? Because if I'm interrupting something, I can just leave for a while.”

Kakashi flushed at the implication. “No! No, I'm fine. I'll be out in a moment! I'm not doing anything bad in here!” he called back. “In fact, I'm coming out right now! See?” He opened the door with a big smile, feeling the urge to knock himself into unconsciousness so he could stop suffering from relentless and unprecedented lameness.

"Ah.. Hello!” Iruka waved awkwardly from his seat on the bed. He looked around and sort of shrugged. “It's not quite what I thought it would be, but it's not bad.”

"Er, yeah... So I didn't realize what kind of room this was so I'm really sorry about that,” Kakashi mumbled, scratching at the back of his head and looking everywhere but at Iruka. “Not that it's awkward or anything...”

"It's okay. We can ask the housekeeping staff if they can at least take the decorations out or something,” Iruka mumbled, staring at his feet. “It's not a huge deal. It _is_ kind of festive.”

They stood there in silence for a while before a loud voice called through their door and someone started pounding on it. Kakashi flinched and slunk towards the entryway feeling completely overwhelmed. He peered through the spy-hole and raised a brow, shrugging as he opened the door.

"Aloha, newlyweds!” A loud woman wearing a hotel uniform bustled in carrying a huge flower arrangement. “Compliments of the front desk!”

"Ano...” Kakashi blinked in confusion. How to tell her that they weren't married?

"No be shy!” the woman continued. “Lots of gay couples have been coming here to say their vows, especially since that new civil unions bill was passed! Oh, hello there! Aren't you cute!” She grinned at Iruka who gaped.

"No speak too much English, eh? Is okay, I speak small kine Japanee too. Konnichiwa! Ogenki desuka? Go-kekkon omedetou gozaimasu, ne? Happy marriage? You ii desu, ne?” She seemed like she would keep churning out random phrases and Kakashi worried that she would starting bringing up toilets soon.

"No, I can speak English. It's okay,” he interrupted, smile tense.

"Oh, good!” The woman turned with a huge smile, looking like she was going to unleash a barrage of English hell on them. “Well, you have complimentary champagne in the mini-fridge and Concierge is number 2 on the phone. Housekeeping will come by once a day to clean your room. If you do not want to be disturbed,” the woman held up a door knob sign. “Just slap this puppy out there and they'll know to hele on. I will just leave you two lovebirds alone. Please call Front Desk if there's _anything_ you would like. This is a special occasion for the both of you and we at the Hilton Hawaiian Village will do our best to satisfy your needs. And thank you very much for staying with us.”

The woman bowed and let herself out. A moment later and there was another flurry of knocks. Kakashi opened the door.

"Forgot these!” The woman bustled back in and threw purple orchid flower garlands around each of their necks and gave them big hugs, bussing their cheeks with loud smacking kisses. “ _Now_ you are officially welcomed. Aloha maika`i!”

"Ah, thank you. Aloha.” Kakashi waved slowly as the woman snuck back outside with a final finger wave. He fiddled with the flowers blankly. Then the laughter started.

Iruka went first with a fit of giggles that soon rolled out in genuine mirth. Kakashi watched him lose it and felt his lips twitch. Soon he was chuckling as well, shaking his head at the insanity. Iruka bounced off the bed and gave him a big hug, planting a big wet one on his cheek. Kakashi froze.

"Aloooooooooooooooooooooha!” Iruka grinned. Kakashi flushed and hugged him gingerly in response.

"Aloha to you too,” he declared solemnly before tickling Iruka.

"Ahhh! Not fair!” Iruka squirmed and struggled to be free, poking Kakashi in the stomach. Unfortunately for him, Kakashi was nowhere near ticklish so this was a wasted effort.

"Haa, so what do you want to do first, husband,” Kakashi teased, pausing in his attack. Iruka pondered this for a few moments before smiling wide.

"Let's play tourist first and go see the penguins and the beach.” He paused, almost visibly hesitating before giggling nervously. “Husband.” Kakashi snorted at that and they both dissolved into juvenile fits of laughter.

"Mah, I wonder what other honeymoon deals we can get,” he mused. Iruka rolled his eyes.

"Once a Scrooge, always a Scrooge.”

"“I prefer the term 'frugal', husband,” Kakashi chided gently, tapping Iruka's nose, making his eyes cross. “As I told you before, I am frugal with everything. Even time.”

"You mean _late ._ ” Iruka snorted, scurrying around to find his camera. “Now hurry up so we can see everything!”

"Mah, always rushing around like a chicken without a head. No wonder you needed to marry someone organized like me,” Kakashi drawled, slinking behind him.

"You mean _boring_. The reason you had to marry me was because your life needed more excitement,” Iruka countered, digging through his backpack.

"Psh. Whatever.”

**Author's Note:**

> This work was originally posted on Livejournal in 2011 as part of the annual 12 or 25 Days of Christmas challenge. The story takes place by years and utilises Japanese honourifics as a necessity. I tried to use canonical names wherever possible and created original character names as needed.
> 
> Due to the conditions at the time, the writing is a bit clunky but will largely remain unedited.
> 
>    
> The story may end here or you can choose to follow either of two additional alternate endings. There is a shorter ending to the series posted separately which wraps up within the chapter. This version was intended to continue for a while longer.
> 
>  **Vocab Notes**  
>  Konnichiwa - Means either: Hello or Good afternoon
> 
> Ogenki desu ka - Essentially means: How are you? or Are you fine?
> 
> Go-kekkon omedetou gozaimasu (ご結婚おめでとうございます) - Congratulations on your wedding.
> 
> You ii desu, ne - Essentially means: This is good for you, isn't it?
> 
> Aloha - Means any of the following by context: hello, goodbye, "I care for you" or "I love you"
> 
> Aloha Maika`i - This could be translated as “thanks good job” or "job well done", but that's not really correct. You normally say this for someone who has done a good deed or succeeded at something
> 
> Lei – flower garlands. In Hawaii, the word 'lei' means a string of (vegetation) joined together, but it symbolically means a hug and the lei is a hug you carry with you


End file.
